Closer to an animal than I thought.

It’s been 9 weeks since baby has been born, and well I’m doing pretty good.I have really embraced being a mommy of two.
No baby isn’t sleeping through the night, but I’m getting use to it. I’m getting a routine, and being able to juggle two kids at the same time is getting less stressful.

The one thing that I’m having HUGE issues with is sex.

Yes I’m going there!!!

I have absolutely no desire to have sex. Just thinking about it makes me want to run the opposite way.

I just want to take care of baby. That’s where my brain is. Unfortunately hubs is SO ready. And I understand where he’s coming from. I can’t wait until I get there, but right now.. No.. We tried tonight but didn’t work out. I just couldn’t get my head into the game.

I was rather upset. But hubs said something that made sense..
“Honey you’re in mommy mode, like a lion. ”

“Huh?” “Did this punk just call me a lion… I could get down with that…”
“Wait, that’s not what he means….”
When a lion (or any other mammal) gets pregnant she puts off a pheromone that let’s male lions know they are too late, sort of speak and the male lions will move on and go mate with other females..
Well I guess I could be putting off a pheromone but hubs can’t smell it. Nature made it so that my goal is to make sure my baby survives. That’s it. Which is all my brain seems to think about.

So my question is… When do I get the I wanna jump my hubs mood back?

Cause I’m ready… Kind of…

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Made my day

Sorry I haven’t been around. New baby with bad reflux makes for late nights. I will be back, I just wanted to share something that has been making my week.

Being up late makes for a lot of tv. TV and my phone are the two things helping me stay awake. The commercials suck. Most start off with:

“We know why you are awake!” Then it goes on to tell me that I need to call a number for some hot chic, file for bankruptcy, or go eat at a Japanese buffet. And the best is I need to hire a detective because my hubs is cheating.
I know right? I’m shaking my head too, but there are two commercials out there that make me very happy. The first is the G.E. commercial . It makes me happy because my dad worked at G.E. He use to help with the jet engines. The only commercial that was out then was the G.E is life one. And he hated it!!! I think he would love this one, because it shows what he actually did. Makes me remember when we got to go on a tour of G.E. It was one of the last memories I have of him.
And my most favorite commercial is the honey maid commercial . This one gives me warm fuzziness in my heart. The wholesome family! Uh I LOVE IT!! Have you seen it? And you know there is controversy about it. The same idiot people who had issues with the cheerio commercial . I love that I’m seeing me and my family on tv. I love that my boys will see something that looks like them on tv. We are a family we eat Cheerios, we are a wholesome family that eats graham crackers teddy Graham’s are the stuff! Why shouldn’t we see something that represents us on the television? It’s about time.

So THANK YOU honey maid for the beautiful commercial!

Mama’s here

Rocking, bouncing, walking..
Feeding, burping, spit-up….throw-up

Crying..

My sweet baby is not doing so good. His poor tummy is not being kind. Tonight was an even worse night than usual. He’s throwing-up. I’m not talking about his usual spit up, I’m talking full on throw-up with gagging and all.. My poor boy. He’s soaked, I’m soaked. We both smell of sour milk.

We get changed, should I feed him again? He’s rooting around, he’s looking for more. Is it wise? Will he throw-up again? The mama in me says he wouldn’t be rooting if he didn’t want anymore.

Right?

I let him nurse. Why is he throwing up? Was it the camomile tea? Did I give him too much? Was it the ice-cream I had after dinner? Is it too too much air?
He detaches with a shriek. I immediately start patting, rocking. Crying starts. The patting isn’t working. He’s screaming now. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him. “I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what else to do.”

“It’s ok my love, mama’s here. Mama’s here.” He slows his crying. I must have found the right bounce. We shall keep this going.

My back hurts. But I must keep bouncing. I’ll keep going for him.

Oo is he sleep? We have been at this for hours now, my back hurts, I have to pee, I’m so sleepy…. Gonna sit down, and no he’s crying again, screaming…

“I’m so so sorry you are hurting”

Colic sucks!!!

Rocking, bouncing, walking, apologizing.

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That smile only happens while sleep. The pain happens when awake. Colic sucks!

Colic really?

Never thought it would happen to me.

Here I am. I have a baby with colic. He’s so gassy that he’s in pain. Pain that causes him to cry, squill, scream! And there is nothing nothing I can do until he passes that gas.

So I rock, and sing, and walk, and dance him. Trying anything everything to help him. Leg roles, bicycle kicks, tummy rubs, burps… Lots and lots of burping.

The crying continues, the screaming continues.

Does he know I’m here, does he know I love him, does he know we aren’t a CIO family and I would never ever just let him cry. Does he know how badly I want him to feel better.

Mama wants to take away the pain, mama would put you back inside so you never had to go through this.

I love breastfeeding but right now I HATE it. I know it’s causing him gas.

Maybe I should suck it up and give him Form….. Who am I kidding we can’t afford that.

No sleep and the dark starts seeping in. All that I did to prevent this and here it is slipping through the crack.. The crack of colic.

So right now we are crying, both of us. Crying cause he hurts. Crying for calm. Crying for sleep, crying

Laughter because I’ve gone crazy

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Big boy

It’s happened! My little boy has changed, and it’s not for the better..

I know it’s because of the baby. I don’t know what to do. He’s not my sweet lil boy anymore. To tell you the truth

HE’S A TERRORIST!!

He’s not listening, doing things he KNOWS he’s not suppose to do and he’s just plain mean. I know I know horrible threes, but dang!! Talking back…. Ugh!

Nothing we are doing is working.

Positive reinforcements
Sticker charts
Time outs
Time ins
Yelling

Nothing!

Sometimes by the end of the day I don’t like him. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE my son. I would kill, lay down my life for him. Doesn’t mean I have to like him all the time. Right?

He still helps out, and he’s so good with his brother, and he’s loving and sweet when he wants to be.

I don’t know? I guess I’m hoping he will grow out of this stage? Soon….

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By myself

I cried. 2 days left and I cried.

Why?

Because my rock, my partner, my strength returns to work on Monday. I don’t want him to go. I know he has to, but I wish he didn’t. These two weeks have flown. This time two weeks ago my water was breaking, and my world was changing.
Through it all my husband was there with me step by step. Even when I wouldn’t let him touch me, I knew he was there. By my side getting me what ever I needed.
This go around has been great. Having him here has been great. Baby has his days and nights mixed up, so I don’t really sleep in the middle of the night. My sweet husband has made me breakfast everyday, and let me catch up of the much needed sleep. He’s been there helping me with lil one, who is going through a not listening stage. He’s been here making sure I’m feeling alright both physically and emotionally. Always putting my needs first. I’ve really enjoyed him here. We don’t get vacations, so just the fact that he has been home for longer than a weekend, has been incredible. Perfect. I really really enjoy him. He’s my best friend. It has been great hanging out with my best friend. Talking, laughing, loving.

Now it will just be me. If baby doesn’t sleep through the night, I won’t get that extra sleep. I have to take care of two kids now. Just me. And I tell you I’m nervous. Really nervous! Nervous I’m not going to be able to be mama. I’m not going to get everything done.

I’m going to FAIL…….

I’m so scared.

Lord I wish my husband could stay home. I miss him already. I’m gonna cherish these last two days with everything.

I hope I can do this…

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Something is up

I’m calling BULL on something.
I was admiring not really, I was looking at myself in the mirror tonight.
What you don’t look at yourself? I can’t be the only one… Right?

Anywho I was looking and was noticing how everything has decided to settle. And well, it’s totally different from when I had lil. To be honest, I’m not very happy about it.
Now before you start, I have never been one who is stuck on my body. But I do like to be healthy and look decent. I love my curves. So you don’t have to worry about me. But I’m calling bull on the perfect after baby body that the celebs keep showing us.
How the heck are they getting these bodies? I’m not a loud to lift my 39 pound son, for these first two weeks. I’m not aloud to drive, or even mop. That’s only for the first two weeks. For 6 weeks I’m still suppose to be taking it easy. (Meaning no heavy workouts). So 2 weeks after these celebs have their babies, how are they coming out with rock hard abs, and “smoking bodies?”

Are these rules just rules my midwives have given me, or is this universal, and are these celebs are breaking them?
Someone please tell me? I can’t work out work out until after 6 weeks and not to diet because I’m breastfeeding.
Which is fine by me. Mama needs to be healthy.
And I know woman have been having babies for years, and it’s not a medical thing, but you did just have a baby. Your body just went through a lot. Things need to heal, hormones need to get back in order.

So I’m calling bull. These celebs aren’t following the rules.

What do you think?

Robbed

So many of you know that we have welcomed a new bundle of joy. We have a new little boy in our lives and I’m telling you I’m loving every min of it.
How am I doing? I’m doing GREAT! My spirits high. Now granted I’m only on day 5 of this, but I feel great. Now I do have some aches, I did birth a baby. And I tore and had bleeding that needed stitches. Those are pretty tender. My nipples hurt, because baby just wants to nurse all night. But all of this comes with giving birth.
My emotions though are doing freaking AWESOME!
Which is surprising to me. I don’t want to come of as bragging, because I have been there, but

Ahhhhhh!!! YES YES YES!!!

This whole time I’ve been SO SO worried that I was going to experience the hell that is PPD. I have done so many things to prevent it from cursing this my family and I, but even then I had my reservations. Yet here I am, with no sleep, and I’m the non grumpy one in the house.

I feel robbed!

This is what I was suppose to experience when lil was born! This is what dare I say “normal” feels like? I can tell the difference. I remember so vividly how I felt on this day 3 years ago. I was a complete wreck. Full of all the tears, rage, lack of motivation, and FEAR. I feel robbed that I didn’t get to experience this happiness with lil. That he didn’t get to have this complete mom that baby has. It was not fair. And I’m angry at those who told me that oh it was just baby blues. Making me live with it thinking it would just go away.

I’m here to say NO IT WAS NOT BABY BLUES. And shame on you for telling me it was, to just suck it up.
What I had was real and should have never been looked over.

Now I’m not jumping the gun. I do understand that I’m only on day 5. So we really don’t know. And I’m not going to just stop taking my medications because of this feeling. I’m gonna keep working, fighting, praying to stay healthy. I at least know the signs, know where to go, and what to do, to get help. I know the people who are my support.
I’m excited that we have been out in public and I’m not ready to buckle down and hermit this time. That I’m not having major paranoid thoughts. This makes me hopeful that this may not happen this time around?

All I can do is have hope and faith.

We shall see.

I’m still hanging in there. Taking one baby step at a time.

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2013 I will miss thy

We are sitting here, the morning of New Year’s Eve, and I’m nervous. 2013 has been a great year for my family and I. Everywhere I look, people are talking about how they are ready for this year to be over… I’m not. This year has been the year of blessings for us.

Now I’m not saying it’s been an easy year, we have had our lows, but there has been more highs then lows. Our biggest high being we are I am pregnant with our second child. Baby duck is growing strong, moving around and letting us know that he/she is ready to be a part of our family.
I turned the big 30 this year, and I’m really enjoying this age. My lil man is getting so big. All the words he has. He is SO SMART (in kindergarten) He even over came a fear of his and went under water in the big pool. We moved this year. And not to another apartment or condo. We are in a real house. No shared walls, my own backyard, and own driveway. We got a new car. My sweet Sherman had enough. So we had to get a new one, I got a grown up car (Sheldon is his name) No not a mini van but a real family car that my family fits comfy in, and in not ashamed to drive it in Dublin.
My sweet hubs is moving along in his job. He is a very important part of his company. And they want to make him more. I’m so very proud of him.
This year my church has became so important to us. I can’t even begin to thank them for everything they have done for us. And; and, I’m simi doing a dream of mine through them. I’m a Sunday school teacher.. Ahhh! I love it.
And last but not least 2013 has introduced me to an amazing group of people, whom I value, and trust, and love.

With all of that how can I not be a little nervous, afraid, scared, for the New Year? We are going to be a family of 4. Will I be able to handle 2 kids on my own? Will my PPD return with this one? Will we be able to keep up this blessing momentum, or has it run out?
Will our raised beds do good this year? Unlike our rented garden we had high hopes for. Will I maintain the wonderful friendships I’ve made this year?

Ugh, there is just so much uncertainty going into 2014. But I guess all I can do is put it in God’s hands and see where he takes us. Deal with whatever comes our way with as much grace and dignity as we can, and most of all just love. Love, ourselves, each other, and the outside world. As my sister says “Jesus take the wheel..” 2014 bring it on! But please be gentle….
Jesus take the wheel

Good deed?

Why why why must there be evil in world? Why can’t things just be easy?

Lil and I went to Walmart I know crazy right before Christmas and we were putting the groceries in the car. A lady came up to me with Christmas cards and a candy cane asking for money so that she could get her son a Christmas present.

Well I didn’t have any cash on me so I asked her how much the present was. She said $20. I asked her if I could take her into the store and buy it for her. She said of course. Said a bunch of God bless me’s and we were off.
We got in the store, we got him a $20 gift came back out and that was it.

So why can’t I just enjoy the feeling of doing something nice, the way The Lord intended me to? Because of the world we live in. This whole time I was with this lady all I could think about was is she running a scam on me?

I kept my son close, when I checked out I used credit, I kept all receipts, check the receipts to make sure the cashier wasn’t in on it and charged me something else (you have heard of that scam right?) and hoped and prayed as I quickly walked back to the car, that it wasn’t broken into.

As I write this I’m still going through my head wondering if there is a scam I missed. I hate, hate, hate this!!! Why can’t I just be happy that I did something nice? Ugh poo on the world!