Finally I found it

Well world it took 21 months but I think I found my parenting style. It’s really a mixture of a few different “styles”. … Why do we have to be lumped in a group? That’s a different post…
The funny thing is, it’s the complete opposite of what I thought I would be. I’m a modern crunchy AP mother.

It has been a journey getting here. I’m really proud that I made it here before I hit the big 30!! I think growing up with an abusive mother and having PPD has gotten me to this place.
My mother being the person she is never cared about her kids. I mean she loves us in a jacked up way, but she never cared about how we felt. It’s always been about her and her feelings and thoughts and dreams. And that impacted all of us in ways I’m sure I still haven’t figured out.

I contribute PPD to this finding because of the raw emotion and paranoia I had still have I want my kids to trust and respect me and to know I’ll always love them. And having PPD can sometimes hinder that. I have rage and I withdrawal, and I become numb…. I just want them to know that no matter what I’m going through I’m here and I love them.
So that is how I came to this discovery. I say modern because well there are parts to both sides that I don’t follow because well hello it’s 2012.

Crunchy: I find it funny that I’m considered crunchy but I am. Most of the reason why I find it funny is well although I try to do my part with “healing the world” I mostly do it to save money. I made lil one’s baby food because we saved so much more money then buying jars. Yes it was healthier for him, but wow it was cheaper for mama and dada. Ok chrunchy’s here’s a little secret. I don’t do organic {ducking}. It’s a load of B.S just to get your money. Also I use clorox! I have OCD and I need things clean and it kills everything!

Attached Parenting: I believe in this so much. I never understood the whole crying it out crap. I tried it and my heart broke. It never ever felt right to just leave him there as a baby to figure it out. I baby wear because once again what’s wrong with him needing his mama. And we cosleep. Ahhh!! Still do and guess what he sleeps through the night!
With my profession I’ve seen positive discipline work. I want my children to know that their feelings and thoughts matter. It’s ok to feel emotion. Talking things through with no personal attacks is the best way to work through things.
That being said I do and will spank. It’s never the first line of defense and it’s not for everything. Only extreme cases. Like when lil one almost touched the hot stove. I slapped his hand. When he ran out in the middle of the street he got a swat on his butt. I know the difference between spanking and abuse and I do not believe that me spanking him will cause him any harm later in his life. I will always explain why he got spanked and it will never be with anything other than with my hand. I think it’s an age limited thing and then you get more creative.

In the end it’s what’s right for you and your child. You have to go by gut instinct. And everything in me tells me this is the way for us. We shall see if it works. Wish me luck.


2 thoughts on “Finally I found it

  1. I can really relate to some of the things you wrote. Before I became a parent, I promised myself that I would respect my children’s feelings and that they would be able to come to me and that there would be room for their emotions. And then ppd hit. And because of the numbness, the withdrawal and the rage, I was afraid that I would become like my mother. But I didn’t, I got help, I did it differently. And so will you. You and your kid will figure it out together. Lots of luck!

    • Thank you!! I just want to do it right. I know there’s no right way, but I want him to be ok as an adult and as a human. And I don’t ever want my ppd to effect him. It’s hard. We’ve just been going with what feels right.

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