So last night I got NO SLEEP thanks to lil one. Which caused me to have a huge anxiety attack. So I wrote my hubs an email to help me get through it. There will be many grammar mistakes but I’m not changing them. That’s the rawness of the letter.
I know u are sleeping right now , but I’m having a huge huge anxiety attack. The worst I ever had. I needed to talk to you. I know it’s because I am so sleepy and have had no sleep.
It’s bad real bad. I couldn’t breath, my arms and hands went numb, and just you or lil one touching me made me want to puke, drive nails in my brain.
So u got out came to the guest room and prayed like mad for him to help me get through this. It took longer than usual. I counted backwards from 100. My heart was still pounding racing. So I counted back up to 100. Heart racing but hands better. No more death running through my head. I needed to talk to someone. I’m panicking. Wanted to talk to you but sleep wasnt going well for none in this house so I let you be. I know I would worry about u all day if I woke u. Who else? Wish I could call someone but in our world family doesn’t get it. And it’s late. I normally talk to twitter, but I haven’t been on much this week so I’m sure none of them would care. Cause let’s face it that’s just how it works.
You’ll be happy to know that I’m calming. This is working. I’m even yawning. But I feel like I still coming down from that high I’m still fidgeting. But knowing that you will read this tomorrow gives me solace. No one cares for me the way you do. And with that thought I’m wrapped up in warmth and love. That’s what you do for me. Please don’t worry, I’m feeling much better. I’m sorry for you to have to read this at work. I know it’s freaking crazy there. So know this, even if I can’t physically talk to you right now, still being able to talk to YOU in any form i can has helped me beyond belief. I love you. Thank you for being my rock.
I think I’ll stay in here and try to sleep until you wake me with your good morning kiss.