Oh man the life I live is an interesting one. Last weekend was great and we knew it wouldn’t last and well here we go need to hold on but I’m barely doing it. My hubs is bipolar. He’s had it all his life but finally got diagnosed with it 5 years ago. It’s the very mild form, but non the less he has it. And well he’s not on any medication. Mostly because we can’t afford the cost of him seeing a shrink, but I think also it’s something that has to do with him. He’s not a medication kind of guy, I can hardly get him to take a pill when he has a headache. Not to mention he was never good at taking it. I always told him its a good thing he wasn’t the one who had to take the birth control pill cause we would have more than just one kid by now.
My lovely hubs was having a high last weekend. It was great. He’s so attentive and just plain wonderful. And we both predicted that a low was some where near and well it’s here. When he’s having a low he can be one or two people
1: the non-motivated guy who sits on his butt and doesn’t want to do anything but play his games… Which come to think about it he has been doing that lately.
2: complete arse! Pushing me away. Which he is also doing.
Normally I’m ok. I’m able to pick up the slack and be the rock during his lows. But this low has rattled something in me. My ppd isn’t doing so well. I’m more irritable with the world. And my insecurities are flaring. Not a good combo when your main support is having his lows and he’s not there to support you. In fact he’s bringing some of them to the surface. And I know this has got to be hard on him with me not being there.
What can we do? I’m having anxiety about this. I need us to get through this. And not hurt each other in the process. And most of all I have to make sure this doesn’t ever touch our son. He needs to go on living in his carefree world. Tall order for someone who is struggling herself.
I’ll just keep praying and holding on with everything that’s in me so that we can make it over this hill together.