I’m trying hard not to fall but I can feel it. If feel it lurking waiting for the right time to strike. But I don’t want it to. The lack of motivation is here.
I sat down on the couch today and I didn’t want to get off. I had things I wanted/needed to do, yet I didn’t have the motivation to get up. I hate it.
After a lot of arguments in my head I finally got my butt into gear and completed my todo list. I feel great that I did, but now as I lay here the feeling is back. I need to get out of the house tomorrow. If lil one and I spend a whole day the house, I take him out the next day. Even if its just to the store.
What is my lovely brain doing? It’s not even the next day and it is coming up with excuses why we shouldn’t go out. The hermit mode is trying to kick in. Where I don’t want to interact with anyone besides my boys.
I wanted to cry. My son was using me as his personal jungle gym and I wanted to cry because all I could think of is why is he so mean to me.
I’m gonna work really hard and not let it overcome me. We will get out we will….I hope.
Lord please help me get through don’t let me fall.
My hubs just got into bed and all my insides are screaming please don’t touch me.
Well that’s why I’m so in love with this man. Even when I tried to push him away he wouldn’t let me. He took me in his arms and held me. Held me tight. Kissed the top of my head and just let me be. He told me how much he loved me and that he is here even if I don’t want him to be. He let my tears flow and gently whipped them away then held my some more. Lil one came into the room and my hubs got him settled and came back and held me.
The cloud is starting to lift. And I feel like MY true thoughts are back. I know that it was my illness taking over. And I hope that I can once again keep it at bay.
Thank you lord for answering my prayer from above. You sent me this wonderful man who I happen to be married to, and he knew with out any words exactly what I needed. Thank You