Hard time

Ok so I know there are going to be a billion posts on the past events, but I need to write. I need to get this out some kind of way.
I’m not doing great! Which is scaring me. I’ve never felt like this except if it has directly effected me.
When bad things like this happen I feel remorse. I feel bad for those involved. I usually say a little prayer for them then I go about my day. This recent tragedy has really shaken me. It’s shaken me to my core, and I can’t seem to get out of this funk.
I’m so extremely sad for those parents and loved ones of those poor little babies who died. I’m keep thinking about my sweet nephew who is the same age as those kids and my heart breaks. The what if game starts and I wanna scream

DON’T LET HIM GO TO SCHOOL

I know that is very irrational, and I would never say that to my sister but that’s how badly I’ve been shaken.
My anxiety has been very high since this happen. And when we are out I’m extra vigilant with my lil one. I feel like there is this dark cloud floating over me and I can’t get rid of it. I’ve been super agitated lately, especially with lil one, which then sends me into a guilt trip because I have my sweet boy. I get to kiss him and snuggle him. I should be thankful for every moment I have with him, because those poor parents don’t have their lil ones anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love love love my sweet lil one, and I’m so happy to have him/be his mommy. I don’t know.
I just want to hug those who have lost their sweet babies. I wouldn’t say anything because what can you really say? But I want to hold them. Hug them so tight. Cry with them.
I never knew that having ppd, you are THIS rattled when things happen.
I hope I shake this funk soon with Christmas so close, which by the way is hard to think about now.
To the parents and loved ones who have lost someone due to this horrible tragedy; my heart and prayers are with you.

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