Forgiveness … Thought I had it but I guess I was wrong. Forgiveness seems to be very hard for me. I realize that today. I think the problem is that I feel things so deeply that it can over take me. I live life with my emotions on full blast, which, for me,means I also hurt easy. And well I’m having a really really tough time forgiving two people in my life. When ever I see them, hear their name I see red. And I just don’t want to anymore. I really really want to let go of this anger I have towards them. I understand that the only way I can do that is to forgive them, but for some reason with these two I am finding it hard to.
Through church I’m finding that all God wants us to do is to worship him and love others. And I’m really trying to worship him and follow the ways of his teachings. Which one of them is forgiveness. And I’m just so stuck on this one. To have true forgiveness does that mean you have to forget?
What if you keep forgiving these people and they keep hurting you?
My hubs says forgive them again, but how long do you keep doing that before they break you?
Hubs told me the story of Jonah and I totally get where he was coming from with it, but in the end Jonah got to go back to his life and not think about those people again. These two are family with ties that I can’t just walk away from.
Hubs said the way he was able to forgive was to pray on it.
Put it in God’s hands and just let just let go.
So ok I do that, then what? God gave us free will and I know for a fact these people aren’t gonna change. They don’t believe anything they have done was wrong so why would they change. And since I “forgave” them they hurt me again.
See this is where I have the struggle. The getting hurt again. Because forgiving them and letting them back in will ensure more hurt on my part.
So how am I suppose to forgive these two?
I so desperately want to. I don’t want to carry around this hate anymore. It’s not doing anything but hurting me. I have SO much to be so happy about. My son, my hubs, my life, that I just want to let go of this. This pain that every time I see, or hear about these people, the pain strangles my heart. I want them not to have this unspoken hold over me. I WANT TO BE FREE…..
And to be truly free I must forgive.
Lord please help me forgive these two people who have caused me pain the same way you forgive us of our sins. Please help me become the person I know I can be in following in your son’s footsteps. I want to breath…. I want to let go…
I want to forgive…
In your name…. Amen
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32