Some of you know, but others do not, and since I’m now free from those who would.. Shame me, cast an evil eye at me, look at me different, belittle me… I’m letting you know that I have PPD/A (postpartum depression/anxiety)
I’ve had it since Lil one was born but wasn’t diagnosed with it until march of 2012 (5 months).
No, it’s not what you see or hear on the tv or in the movies.
You know I’m an up beat happy (for the most part) person. And well PPD for me, which it’s different for every woman, causes me to be really sad; when I was at my worst you could just look at me and I would cry. Unmotivated; I didn’t want to do anything that would make me happy. At that time work, cook, clean.
PPD causes me to be very paranoid that harm is gonna come to me or Lil one, which makes me hermit. I’ll stay home just because I’m so afraid that someone is gonna try and hurt us. Sometimes it will cause me to have rage. I’ll pick fights with T because I am filled with this intense anger and don’t know what to do with it, and well T is the closest so there you go.
I’m just so incredibly lucky that T understands that it’s not me and I love him more than anything. And he just helps me
And well PPD for me also comes with really bad anxiety attacks. I get really numb where I just have no feeling for anyone. Lil one included. Just his touch sometimes while I’m in the mist of an attack hurts me. The attacks come out of no where. I can be having a wonderful day not worrying about anything and BOOM it just hits me. I wanna scream, cry, laugh, run all at the same time.
Now I’m on medication for this. Been on it for a while. And I’m a hell of a lot better than I was when it all began, but I’m not through it. I’m not
. I have a bad few days here and there. And my anxiety happens at least once a month. Like I said though I’m on my way to be better.
You might ask why am I talking about it now? Because like I said I freed myself of those who only brought me down. Also you see that this letter is in a blog,
And no I’m don’t blog for money or anything, but it’s a way for me to work through my anxiety attacks, to work through my thoughts get out of my brain sort of speak.
I want to be able to share it here and it be ok. I don’t always write about PPD/A. I write about other things, but you’ll see some posts about it. I need it to be ok to ramble through an attack on FB if I so chose to.
I have met some amazing women and they support me and my boys and they will post lovely things to me and I would like for you to be able to post and join in if YOU chose, at least be in the loop.
So there you go. I hope this doesn’t change how you view/treat me.
it’s not cooties I can’t give it to you ; ) I’m still me. Just sometimes I struggle. And please please don’t hesitate to ask me any Question about PPD/A. If I don’t know the answer I know a wonderful group of women who will.
I love you all, and you mean so very much to me and my boys. Thank you