Great weekend!! Some good news but more on that later…
Wanted to talk about a change inside myself I’m making. Call it a revised New Years resolution, an addition to my lent challenge, whatever you want to view it as.
I’m gonna spend more dedicated time with lil one even when I don’t feel like it.
stop with the bad parenting jabs
I do spend LOTS of time with him. But the problem is I’m not always mentally there. And I’m wondering if he feels it?
This week end I took him to go play at the in door area in the mall. I always try to make sure he gets some exercise everyday. He gets cabin fever like I do and well since it’d cold here that’s a place we visit. There are usually other kids there and he’s good about making friends. So I’ll usually step back and let him play. Well this visit he was extra needy. Choosing to play with me. I was thinking hey we are here for you, you play with me all the time go play with others. Then something a wonderful mom had said that her father told her popped in my head
@Wolf_Mommy: Babies are insecure. It’s such a big world, and they are so very small. And you are everything safe and secure.
Now I don’t know if he was scared. We’ve been here plenty of times. I cant read his mind, maybe he was feeling shy? I don’t know. But I know that at times I’m shy especially with people I don’t know. I still to this day am almost completely paralyzed when I’m around new people. I have so many insecurities in the new people department. My mom never understood that. She was never a secure place for me. I don’t want my son to feel like I do today as an adult.
I want him to know that even around lots of people he will ALWAYS have a safe place to fall. So I played with him. I put down my phone and acted like a goof and played with him.
He finally got the courage and left my side and played with other kids. I hope I had some part in that.
Lesson learned this week if my lil one is clingy/needy there has to be a reason. I may not know why, but he does. Let him cling on to you. Let him know you are there. Everything else can wait.
Which leads me to my next change…
Now I love my social media. I am meeting some fascinating people who are becoming dear friends. It has become almost addicting at times. I do try and only be on when I first get up and when everyone is in bed. That being said I miss out on lots of things going on. People who I wanted to make a connection with I don’t get to, conversations and happenings I would have participated in I miss. I feel so incredibly left out. Those insecurities I had while I was in school appear.
I’m the outsider
You’re not cool enough
No one likes you
They all come flashing in my head. Then I get sad. Really sad.
Is social media suppose to make you depressed? I hope not, I already am fighting PPD/A I don’t need to add to it.
Recently I did feel left out. A group of moms threw a little party for another and I wanted to be a part of it, but I wasn’t online at that time. I was busy with my boys. Which is good. I had a blast with them even got a bath by myself out of it. Then I got online started reading and realized I missed it. Now these group of women I’ve been hoping to make a deeper connection with because I think we share some if the same qualities. Needless to say I’m starting to not feel like this connection is going to happen. Been at it for a year and yeah no. Which makes me sad. And brings back those horrible high school insecurities.
You’re not good enough
You suck why would they want to be friends with you
I’m starting to be ok with this. I can’t force it. If it wasn’t meant to be it just wasn’t. I’m just gonna start branching out more. Move on. In doing so I’m meeting new people who are becoming close. Melinda, and Christine are a few. I also keep telling myself this
.@leerion: Sometimes I feel left out. But then I remember if I was there I would have missed out on the memory that was made where I was
Which is so true. And the memory that was made while I was here is life changing. I would have missed my family memories. Important memories. Lesson 2 I learned this week. It’s ok to not be apart of something going on with social media because I’m apart of something that matters more and that’s my beautiful boys.
So with that being said my lil one seems to need me. So I’m gonna go. He wants to hold me and I’m gonna let him and breath in this memory.
How has social media impacted your life for the good or bad?