Ok it’s late but I gotta get this out. I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning but right now I am SO SICK OF MYSELF! I’m sick of my emotions and my brain.
So here’s the run down. Lil one fell asleep early. I started getting the lesson ready for tomorrow. Then at midnight he woke up. He woke up to play like he just took a nap or something. So I made him go back to bed. I go down stairs to finish with cleaning the kitchen and start the dish washer and hear hubs putting him back to bed.
Cool right, I’m thinking if he’s in bed I’m gonna get in MY bed catch up on some FB and Twitter, and hopefully fall asleep reading blogs.
Here comes hubs getting in bed poking and touching wanting some..hello I’m so not in the mood it’s not even funny.
“Well, I just thought since we were playing earlier today and it was such a good day that you know we could finish it off with a little night cap..”
Not what I had in plan hubs. I just want to lay in bed, relax and hopefully make it to bed early.. And of course hubs wasn’t happy with that..
” I knew I should have just finished myself off in the shower.. Twitter is all you’re thinking about.”
Well yes hubs, I just got done getting everything done and I really just want to be left alone. It doesn’t mean, however, that twitter is more important than you.
“I guess I’ll just roll over and go to sleep so my blue balls won’t hurt”
What any other person would do is say “ok goodnight.” But me… Nooo.. I’m left feeling bad because he thought he was getting some and because he has blue balls. I’m stuck wrestling with rather I should give him some and how he feels if I don’t. I mean why should I care? If I’m not in the mood I’m not in the mood. Right
No I care enough to almost give him what he wants, even if I don’t want it because I feel bad.
what the hell is wrong with me?
And then there is my son.. He wants me to sleep in his room with him, but I don’t want to sleep in there. He’s old enough that he should be sleeping in there without me.. But when he cries about it I get weak. No I don’t usually give into things when he cries, but at bed time that’s a different story.
go ahead tell me that’s a bad thing to do, how me giving in is only causing more issues, that I should be firm with him in the day and night yeah I know all that, but when you’re tired, you’ll do anything to get him sleep.
I feel bad because he’s sad and I don’t want him going to sleep that way.
Ugh I’m just so sick of myself feeling so bad about these things. If I want to chill before I go to bed I shouldn’t feel bad about trying to make that happen, but I do because I don’t want others to be upset, mad, or sad because of me.
And as if on cue lil one is up calling me.
Lord give me strength to just put him back in bed and that be the end of it.
*update two days later hubs got some rockin Birthday Sex. It was worth his wait*