You know the fact that I minored in human sexuality you would think I knew the answer to this. I’m sorry to say I really don’t know.
I know the science behind it.
a woman releases an egg and the man’s sperm fertilizes it.
But well for once science and know how is failing me. It took us 10 months to conceive lil one. And that month we only had sex twice. Up until now I thought it was because I was on depo
shot form of birth control and with depo it can take a year for you to get it out of your system. I’m not so sure anymore. It’s been three months and today I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant. It’s 4 days til my period and I’m cramping… Which for me is a part of my PMS. And I’m bloated, all tell tell signs that my period will be starting. I’m pretty sure ill have an anxiety attach today of tomorrow and Monday ill see my aunt.
I know you are saying that if I know an anxiety attack is coming I should be able to stop it, not true I’m pretty sure mine are hormone induced and I really don’t know how to prevent that.
The funny thing is I pride myself in preventing pregnancy. I’m very vocal about a woman having the right to choose when she wants kids. I’m loud to any teen who will listen about the importance of SAFE sex. Yet when I decide I’m ready for my next kid the universe laughs and says NO. I just don’t get it. Statistics say unless you have fertility issues you should get pregnant within 3 months. HA there I go defying yet another statistic. My hubs says “It will happen when it does, don’t think about it, just have fun!”
And believe me, I am having fun. The sex has been AMAZING! And it’s even fun trying to sneak and do it without lil one interrupting us. But how do I not think about it? It’s easy for him, he has no idea when my period is until he sees tampon wrappers. But I know. I know my body I mean I’m a girl. It’s been ingrained in me since I first started at the ripe age of 14 to know when my period is. There is just too much we as girls/women have to consider to not know when our periods are. Plus I’m the one going through PMS to know when I’m not pregnant. So the “forget it” mind frame when you are trying is not an option.
Add this with the fact that EVERYONE around me both in cyber world and real life are pregnant rather they were trying or not is a REAL downer. I can’t help but look at them longingly. Wishing hoping praying that will be me soon. Now I haven’t went crazy like last time. I’m not taking my temp, or buying ovulation predictors.
Maybe I should?
Ugh I want so bad to have another baby. It’s time. Lil one was not meant to be an only child. He plays so well with other babies. He’s so gentle and sweet.
I want him to have siblings. My siblings are my best friends and he I want him to have that.
Ugh this is so depressing. Each month my balloon is deflated. I’m just… I don’t know?
Hubs listed last night all the things I’m good at during a conversation about me taking over teaching Sunday school
“You’re very good with kids, especially special needs kids. When God made you that was your skill. Me, I got spread sheets, you got kids, making them too.”
He got one thing wrong. Apparently I’m not good at making kids.
So here is to next month?