Thoughts, who I thought I would be

Sorry I have been away. It’s been hectic lately. Lil just had his third birthday, and we just started hypnobirth classes. Pair that with me teaching Sunday school and hubs working 14-15 hour days, things have been a little off. Thank you for hanging with me though.

So I’ve always believed that I was meant to do something great. Something that would help change the lives of someone or something. Something for the better. I never knew what that something was, but I knew it would be something big. At least I had hoped. Now I wasn’t looking to be famous for it, but I thought I would be recognized for it or to become rich. (Trust me I LOVE my simple life) U thought I wanted to pioneer something. Be like Joan of Arc, or Harriet Tubman.
Well here I am at thirty and I have just about given up on that dream. You see I’m a very shy introvert. I have major anxiety when it comes to speaking in front of others, meeting new people, hell making a phone call. And I’m realizing that in order to do those great things I dreamed about I have to be an extrovert. Willing to get in front and do it. Which for me scares the crap out of me. I look at people around me and so wish I could be them. Even my online friends aw me. Like my friend addy, who writes about mental health. I thought that after going through PPD, and the possibility of going through it again, that maybe I could be the one who writes and does greatness with that. Debunking the stigma, and talking about the truth. Giving it a minority’s view. I was wrong. Not this chick. Addy is the same age I am and I tell you what you would never know with all the wisdom she has. She has this knowledge and know how that you would never think, someone as young as us would have. And her words. They are everything I want to say and just don’t know how to. Now this beautiful woman was asked to speak at a HUGE conference. And she did it. Without hesitation. If that was me I would have ran for the hills. There is no way I could have done what she did without wetting myself. Needless to say I don’t think I’ll be pioneering anything in that department.
So I guess that huge dream of mine won’t happen. I’m starting to be ok with that. Dreams change and evolve, and I’m thinking The Lord had another path for me. I’m not meant to have many followers, many friends, I’m just not that girl. The people who are in my life I value more than anything else. And I get to touch those lives. There are so many people who I have changed there view of brown people. And that is an accomplishment.
On top of all that I get to teach my lovely kids these same values. And send them out into the world. To spread these teachings. Thus my my something great.


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