Robbed

So many of you know that we have welcomed a new bundle of joy. We have a new little boy in our lives and I’m telling you I’m loving every min of it.
How am I doing? I’m doing GREAT! My spirits high. Now granted I’m only on day 5 of this, but I feel great. Now I do have some aches, I did birth a baby. And I tore and had bleeding that needed stitches. Those are pretty tender. My nipples hurt, because baby just wants to nurse all night. But all of this comes with giving birth.
My emotions though are doing freaking AWESOME!
Which is surprising to me. I don’t want to come of as bragging, because I have been there, but

Ahhhhhh!!! YES YES YES!!!

This whole time I’ve been SO SO worried that I was going to experience the hell that is PPD. I have done so many things to prevent it from cursing this my family and I, but even then I had my reservations. Yet here I am, with no sleep, and I’m the non grumpy one in the house.

I feel robbed!

This is what I was suppose to experience when lil was born! This is what dare I say “normal” feels like? I can tell the difference. I remember so vividly how I felt on this day 3 years ago. I was a complete wreck. Full of all the tears, rage, lack of motivation, and FEAR. I feel robbed that I didn’t get to experience this happiness with lil. That he didn’t get to have this complete mom that baby has. It was not fair. And I’m angry at those who told me that oh it was just baby blues. Making me live with it thinking it would just go away.

I’m here to say NO IT WAS NOT BABY BLUES. And shame on you for telling me it was, to just suck it up.
What I had was real and should have never been looked over.

Now I’m not jumping the gun. I do understand that I’m only on day 5. So we really don’t know. And I’m not going to just stop taking my medications because of this feeling. I’m gonna keep working, fighting, praying to stay healthy. I at least know the signs, know where to go, and what to do, to get help. I know the people who are my support.
I’m excited that we have been out in public and I’m not ready to buckle down and hermit this time. That I’m not having major paranoid thoughts. This makes me hopeful that this may not happen this time around?

All I can do is have hope and faith.

We shall see.

I’m still hanging in there. Taking one baby step at a time.

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5 thoughts on “Robbed

  1. I’ve suffered PPD with all my babes. And it’s belittled so often, I struggle to hold mind over mind! It’s good to hear I haven’t been alone in the pain and confusion and that, it seems, maybe only other mamas can understand. Thanks for your words! 🙂 I hope you stay healthy 🙂

    • Oh no my sweet the past few years have been a struggle. I’ve been on different meds, and everything to get back to me. I really thought that I would never get me back. And in a way I don’t think I will. When we decided to try again I feel like that’s been my biggest goal was to at least minimize going through it again. It’s so sad that at least in my instance it was mothers who were telling me I don’t have it. That they went through this when they had their kids and they were just fine.

      If you need to talk I’m here. Us mothers really need to stick together

  2. First, congrats on your new little one!

    Second, I remember this feeling very well with my third. SO angry at the “normal” postpartum experience I didn’t get with my girls but trying desperately to focus on the very gift of it at the same time. It was almost maddening.

    Yes, it is early, but…focus on these positives. Hold onto them fiercely. Don’t let them slip through your soul and into nothing. And most of all, don’t let the anger and frustration swallow them into the vast sea of nothing. Sink yourself into this bliss and let it wash over you, let it heal you. This, this is your chance to enjoy motherhood and heal yourself from your first experience. And best of all? You can include your firstborn in the process.

    So much love to all of you.

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