Going back

This weekend I have had to come to my mother’s house to get my car repaired. Everything was going good until last night when we dropped the car off.
Apparently I was suppose to be paying for this…. Long story short, my mom took my car to a “friend” to get my brakes fixed a few weeks ago (they needed to be done but it wasn’t urgent) ever since this friend “fixed” my brakes my break fluid has been leaking and we have had to refill it every other day. So my thinking is he made it leak so he has to fix it.
I guess my thinking was wrong because my mom totally went off on me.
What I thought I had gotten over I guess I hadn’t. While she was yelling at me I felt like I was a kid again.
All the emotional and verbal abuse came back. I wanted to cry But I didn’t, I kept it in, I wouldn’t cry in front of my boys. She would not have that satisfaction. (I don’t have a problem crying in front of my kids, they need to know mama has feelings too) and now I’m trapped. I’m stuck here because my car is getting worked on. I’m reminded of the reasons why I left. Besides the physical abuse, my mother was and still is great at emotional/verbal abuse.
I’m 30 years old and she still has this effect on me. When will it end? I don’t want her to have this hold on me anymore. And I know many of you would say talk to her, but unfortunately there is no talking to her. She just denies, and place blame back on you. So I don’t know what to do.
Do you ever really get over something like this? I know it has effected my life, and the way I parent my own kids, But do you really ever get over this? Especially when the abuser is still in your life?
Would love any knowledge on this.


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