Change

First off I want to apologize for not posting in a long while. Life. As the boys get bigger I find that I’m more and more busy. I usually write once everyone is asleep and the house is quiet, but I’ve found that I crash myself, sometimes before they fall asleep. And if I’m not crashing I’m getting time with my hubs. 

Anywho something has been on my mind and I know once I write it down I’ll be able to put it out. 

A person whom I thought was close to us ended up mad at us over the stupidest thing, which is fine, people are allowed to have their feelings. I just don’t have to agree with them, or apologize for it. They tried to make a jab at me.  So they said that my husband that he had changed since he met me. Like it was a bad thing. At first it kinda took me aback. You know the more I’ve thought about it, and talked with hubs about it, and prayed about it; they were absolutely right. He has changed since meeting me. I’ve changed since meeting him. And I’m glad that we have. He was 19 and I was 20 when we met. We’ve been together for 12 years, married for 8, and parents for 5. I would hope that we have changed; that we’ve evolved since then. That’s human nature. Could you imagine if we still acted like we were in our early 20’s now? 

The statement about him changing since he’s met me, makes me proud.  If they think his change was for the worse, It shows just how little they knew/know him. I won’t tell his story, I’ll leave that to him, but when I met him, he was headed down a bad path. One that could have ended very badly. And that was a deal breaker for me. (Watch requiem for a dream to know the path) Now look at him. I’m so proud of the man he’s become. Working hard for our family. Loving his boys, being the best father for them. 

Loving me.

 Fighting the world for a future our boys deserve. 

The boy I met many years ago would have never done half the things the man today can do.  That man isn’t anyone’s puppet, is strong, very intelligent, funny as hell, but most of all loving. I cringe at what kind of change they expected him to be. 

Notice I say loving many times. 

Why? 

The person I met 12 years ago was afraid to have kids because he didn’t think he could love them. The man today wakes and sleeps loving our sons. If that doesn’t show you the type of “change” he has went through then I don’t know what will. That change is why I’m so very much if no even more in love with him. 

Change is a beautiful thing. Everything changes. If you don’t THAT’S when you have problems. With that I leave you this: 

  

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Last and final

This is the last and final time I will explain our choice to homeschool. So don’t ask, judge, criticize or anything else that’s not positive. We are and will be homeschooling our children no matter how you may or may not feel about the subject. These are our kids. Not yours. You have or are raising YOUR children the way to want to. So leave us be.
Let me start off by thanking all who have supported us in this decision. It is truly a decision that wasn’t made lightly. It was thought about and discussed countless times before it was made. So thank you. Also I am no way trying to shame or put others down. This is OUR decision for OUR kids. We are doing what WE think is best for them, just as you are doing what you think is best for yours. Which as a parent that’s all you can do. These are OUR opinions and thoughts, for OUR circumstance. Which may be totally different from yours. So I do not want to see hate replies about how you work, or about your kids school. That works for your family and I support you and respect you in those choices as I expect the same in return.

Now that we got that out of the way. Goodness. If only we didn’t judge others I could eliminate a whole paragraph.

As I stated before this is the last time I’m explaining to those around us why WE choose to homeschool our children.
First lets just start off by saying no we didn’t make this choice because of religious reasons. While religion will be taught and is a part of our curriculums, it won’t be the over all basis. The curriculums we follow or put together will be very much math/science based. Yes Hubs and I are religious to a certain degree. But we believe religion is a journey a person has to take for themselves to figure out what works best for them. We don’t think its something that can be forced. We both have taken a long and hard journey separately and together to get where we are today. Yes we both believe in God. We both believe that he flows through everything we do today. But our belief with him is about LOVE. That is it. All he ever wanted was for us to believe in him and to love. Know that he loves us NO MATTER what we have done, or haven’t done. No matter who we are or who we aren’t. And through that love we are to love ALL the same way he does. The same way his son did. And that’s it. With all of that being said. Hubs and I know that God gave us a great power of thought. And with that thought came science. And even though we believe in the higher power, we believe way too much in science. We believe in the big bang theory, we know that evolution DID and still is happening. But unfortunately the world as we know it isn’t ran by science. Dude if it was, could you just imagine the differences? The wars that wouldn’t have been fought, the people who still would be alive. The freedoms we ALL could have. Its not though. Its ran by many different religions and beliefs. So that is why we will be teaching religion in our curriculums. Our children need to know the truth in all religions so that they are able to make the best decisions possible about their lives. We won’t be only teaching about Christianity. We will be hitting upon All religions, at least the best we can, with the information we can find.

So why then are we homeschooling? Because we have no faith in the education system as we know it today. It is too test driven. Too money driven. And I’m sorry but my child isn’t there to make your school district money. He is there to learn everything he can possibly learn to make him THE BEST citizen he can be. That’s not the route the school districts have taken. So lets just address some concerns.

“I don’t think you should homeschool because your children won’t be socialized very well.”

To that my response is yes they will. Lil gets to go to church every Sunday and he hangs with those kids. From there we go to different play areas that have many, many different kids his own age. I also have a really good friend who’s daughter is his age. He gets to hang out with, and if that isn’t good enough, I have spoken to several different homeschool groups that he will be joining as he gets older. That paired with sports, and other activities I’m pretty sure he will be plenty socialized.

“I’m a teacher and have had plenty of homeschool children. They are always behind and aren’t very well behaved. Their parents don’t really teach them anything. Then when they come to school Its such a hassle to get them up to par.”

First off who do you think I am? You must not really know ME. I graduated with an education degree. Granted it concentrated in Agriculture, but none the less it was still and education degree. And I wanted to become a teacher. Then I was educated myself, and realized it wasn’t like it was when I was growing up. You have been a teacher for 20 plus years. Things have changed. You didn’t have to worry about your job because lucky you, you had a tenure. So if your students failed tests, and didn’t make the district the money they needed, they still had a hard time firing you. I can’t bank that my children will get a teacher who is in the exact situation as you. Most likely they are going to get a teacher who is fresh out of college, and after 2008 they are very lucky to have a job. They are going to teach to the test. They NEED Their kids to pass the test so they have a job next year. That’s just the fact of the matter. They may be the best teacher in the world, but because of a lovely president…BUSH… They are going to follow every rule to keep their houses, and car payments. There is SO much more out there to learn than just what a test wants you to learn. After talking to a teacher that hasn’t been there as long, But I trust this teacher with my LIFE, and the knowledge I have, the students have NO think for yourself skills. They have to be told and hand held though every grade level. Because they learn and memorize what is on these test, and anything else is SO foreign to them. Then these same children grow up enter the work force, where my lovely hubs is a supervisor to them. And because of this hand holding, they had in school, they have to be hand held in the work force. They have to be told step by step what to do and how to do it. The are like little robots. I don’t want that for my children.
My hubs didn’t get to finish college, but he sure as heck didn’t get to where he is in that company by his hand being held. He took charge on his own. His boss knows if there is a problem, he will figure it out on his own, if they give him a project he will complete it with out their help. That’s what companies are looking for. They don’t want to be there helping you every step of the way. That’s the values I was taught. I didn’t get where I did in my job by my boss telling me what to every step. I saw the problem and worked to help fix it. If she had to tell me what to do every min, she would have never hired me. I want my children to have that. I don’t want them to be sheeple. I want them to take charge, I want their bosses to know they can be depended on. I want them to think out of the box so that maybe one day They will be the CEO’s. But with the way the Public schools are going that’s not what they will become.

Also if you really knew me you would know that I’m not in anyway lazy. My brain just doesn’t work that way. Yes I am a stay at home mom in all since of the word. I clean clean clean. I make sure the dogs, and my hubs are taken care of. I make sure the house is running smoothly, I cook, and did I say clean? I run all the errands that have to be done during the day when hubs is at work, I go to appointments and schedule appointments. So while hubs is at work he can concentrate on that. He doesn’t have to worry about what is going on here. All that being said my number one role, The thing I wake up everyday doing and thinking about before I go to bed, is to take care of our children. What are we going to do today, make sure its educational so that even if they don’t know it I know they are learning. Making sure they are happy, that they know that no matter what Mommy and Daddy love them and will always always be there for them. Making sure they know they matter, and that their thoughts and emotions mean something. As much as I would love to watch my soaps I don’t get to, because their needs come first. As much as I want to be some great blogger, or some big time leader or fighter for something, I’m not because their needs come first. And they will always come first. Besides that do you not know your son? He came from a money driven home. You all raised him that way. Do you honestly think he enjoys not being able to make payments on time? Not being able to own HIS own house? Not being able to own the newest tech gadget out there, or being able to play the new video game the day it comes out instead of a year after it came out. Not getting the sifi channel because we don’t have cable? Because after 10 years of knowing this man, I know for a fact that he SO wished our money situation was different. And It could be if I was working a job that paid. We sacrifice in order to make sure our children are cared for by us. His biggest pet peeve is when someone says to him “oh I wish we could do that” Because you could. Its all about what are you willing to give up for your children. Technically we cant, and if you lived the way we did, you would be running back to your jobs. But its what we do so that we insure our kids get what we think they need. So we do it. So do you think your son would let me sit here and do nothing all day, living the way we are living? I don’t think so.

I hope I have answered all your questions. If not too bad. We will and are going to be homeschooling our kids. And so far I think and I know you know we are doing a Damn good job at it. Lil is 3 years old working at a kindergarten grade level. So back the F up. Because I got this and won’t let my child fail. That’s not an option.

Saying Good Bye

take a bow

What a wonderful song!!! If you look back in my past posts you will remember me trying to figure out how to forgive someone. forgiveness I really struggled with that. And felt really bad that I couldn’t fully commit to it.

Well trust your gut!! That person has struck again. Just when I start to give her the benefit of the doubt she goes and shows her ugly head! And though I never loved her, I did have hopes that one day we could become friends…. Ain’t gonna happen.

So we have come to the point of the story where she has to be cut. no not with a knife, I know I’m black and all and will cut a bitch cut from my life. I’ve only done that with two other people and well it’s her turn now. I can’t deal with her anymore. She brings nothing but bad to my life and to my family. I have given her too much time. Let her slide too many times and you know what? I’m done. Officially done. Hope for her is gone. i truly truly understand that she will never change, nor does she wish to ever change. Those around her (her mother, boyfriends, and yes even sometimes my hubs) let her get away with things, so she thinks what she does isn’t wrong. Not this girl, i don’t think so. I wish her nothing but the best with her man. Hope all works out but that’s it for me. She will no longer have my thoughts or my worries. Good bye! Won’t be seeing you later, take a bow, the end!

I know where babies come from

Well I guess I really do know where babies come from.
In that post I was feeling what I thought were PMS. At least that’s what my PMS feels like.
I was wrong. I’m pregnant!!!! Ahhh. It’s really crazy. Just when I think The Lord is giving me an answer one way he gives it to me another.
I’m still in shock. I know that I’ve been praying hard on this, but the fact that it happened I’m in aww. I’m so excited about it, that it doesn’t feel real. I’m pinching myself every morning to make sure I’m not having a really good dream.
Already this pregnancy is different than my first. maybe that means its a girl? don’t know we will see in 9 months…. We are a team Green family… Drives everyone crazy but I loved the surprise. The look on hubs face when he came out… Ill never forget it.
I do have a few worries, like they don’t want me using my Xanax… And I hope my PPD doesn’t come back stronger other than that and where ate we gonna live at, I’m pretty good.
I made a promise that I would not complain this pregnancy and by golly I’m gonna try not to. I’m just gonna enjoy this ride. The ups and downs, because it goes so fast and I want to savor every moment.
It will be cool to document here. For lil one I wrote in a journal so this shall be a new adventure.

Going with the flow

So many of you already know that we practice our version of AP parenting, and you also might know that we also co-sleep. We have been doing that since lil one was weeks old and refused to sleep in his bassenet and crib. Heck even in his own room.
Now we never set out to be AP parents or to co-sleep, but after weeks of really NO sleep, becoming delirious, and wanting to breastfeed on demand. Well lil one ended up in our bed and he happily slept their peacefully. Baby sleeping =’s mommy sleeping. Fast forward 21 months later, we aren’t bfing anymore, but we are still co-sleeping.
Now I’m not complaining. I love it! And I’m not in any hurry to change it.
Cue in the raised eyebrows
With my PPD/OCD I have some paranoia, and I sleep so much better with him close by so I know he’s ok. And well lil one sleeps so much better also. All night if he’s not sick or has reflux.
The problem was the hubs. He has the issue about lil ones’s feet being on him. Lil one likes to be touching someone while he sleeps. I don’t understand it and it’s something he is going to have to work through, but there you go. So hubs has been sleeping in the guest room because he wasn’t getting any sleep and wasn’t doing great at work.
I missed my hubs though. I missed snuggling up to him when I’m cold, I missed him holding me. I just missed his presence. So to fix this problem we have side cared lil ones bed. After six nights it is working GREAT! Why didn’t I think of this earlier? Ah as a parent you live you learn. And for hubs and I we just kinda go with the flow. What ever works works, if it don’t well we will try something else.
The interesting part will be when my mom and his parents see it. You see they are old school. CIO and all that crap… For the first time I didn’t even worry about them insert applause here hubs brought it up.
My response: “we practice ap parenting and seeing that this is not your room or your son I don’t want to hear it.” I know very ballsy of me huh wink. So hopefully this works! If not we shall readjust.
Here is our set up

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