So this is happening 

Before I start I want to introduce you to Baby Steps newest baby feet. 

Born 9/10/17 our newest member came soring in, to complete our family. I am a mommy of 3 beautiful boys. WOW! 

His birth story is soon to come. 

Tomorrow at 1:40 my husband is getting a vasectomy. I sit here 12 hours before with mixed emotions. It’s officially the end of this era for us. I’m very surprised to be feeling this way to tell you the truth. 

You see we had a plan. Married by 25, three kids, three years apart, before I was 35. And we completed all of that. I’m ecstatic that we actually stuck to our plan. No oops, no giving up, just straight with the plan. We both agreed on the plan and while I’m pretty sure I do not want to be pregnant again, or to go through labor again, or postpartum depression again, I’m sad that we are actually done. There will be no more babies for us. No more heart beats, no more feeling the baby kick, no more meeting a baby, daddy cutting the cord, first diapers, sleepless nights and baby coos. And while some of those things made me or is making me misserable. It’s also making me want to run and tell him not to get it done. I change my mind. Because the thought of not having that ever again is pretty terrifying. It’s like something is being taken from me. Even though I’m willingly giving it up. 

This probably doesn’t make any since seeing that it’s not even me going through it. Hubs is. The only thing he’s worried about is the 1% chance of something happening and he ends up on the blue pill. Men I tell you.

What is wrong with me? Maybe because I’ve always had something big in life to look forward to. And I guess I don’t know what that next big thing in my life is gonna be is what’s getting me? What comes after having babies? We never made a plan for after 35. I like plans and goals and now without this I’m gonna be flapping in the breeze. 

I guess I’ll figure it out. I’m nervous as all get out about it. 

At least I’ll always have this. This place helped me through postpartum depression. It was here when I didn’t think I would get through that. So maybe writing today will show me where I’m to go after this? I’ll just follow the words above and take it a baby step at a time. Wish me luck


Just clicks

We are on our third year of homeschooling, and believe it or not I still question myself about putting him in public school. I know sounds crazy. I know this is what is right for our family, but I’m a mommy. And the last thing I ever want to do is harm my son’s education. I’m not a teacher, with state regulations to follow. So how do I know I’m doing it right?

Well it’s gonna seem stupid, but it’s such a big deal to me.

Today I was walking into the living room after changing lil’s explosive diaper. Big was playing on the DS, jumped off the couch SO excited and ran to me.

“Mommy mommy I can read!!!”
“You can?! Well that’s cool.” Half ignoring him with other things on my mind.
“That says press start to play!” I look at the screen, and by god that’s what it said.
“Wow you did read it! Very good sweetie!”
“I’m gonna go tell dad.” And he runs off.

Now you may say big whoop, but it is to us. No one ever told him the words on the screen. He was playing angry birds. So there wasn’t really anything to read. So he read the words, and understood what that meant.
That is exciting to me. It’s like reading finally clicked and made sense.

The best part, was that he liked it and wanted to do it again. So at bath time, he read a book to lil…. Twice.

I’m so proud. Proud that he likes reading now, but I’m more proud that I’m the one who taught him.

So exciting. Just another way I’m being reminded that I’m doing something right.


Things I’m doing right

So among the many things I done wrong this week… Letting lil one have that yummy cookie before dinner. Spending too much on hubs valentines, not taking the dogs out for a walk on that warm day we had.
I have done some pretty good things this week, that I’m really very proud of.
We are not members to any moms groups and family isn’t that close, but I think it’s very important for lil one to get out among other kids and socialize. Even if its a complete failure and he doesn’t share or is mean to others.
Now as a mom it can be embarrassing when he does these things and you have all these thoughts about what the other mom must think of your parenting. It’s ok though cause he is learning how to share and about boundaries. I’m learning my child’s temperament with others, what draws him to play with some and not others and how I want to discipline him in public. This week we stayed 4 hour at firefly cafe. (And indoor play/coffee place) For me that is great. I start to get antsy after 2 hours, and when it get crowded which it did I’m ready to go.

Lil one played just fine with the other kids. We had some battles about sharing the trains. But all in all he was great. He had a blast, while I learned that he has a bit of OCD about the order trains HAVE to be. And he loved playing the play guitar which makes me happy because I want him to play some kind of a musical instrument. Once I had my 2nd cup of coffee I even broke out my shell and socialized myself. Total score for me. I’m really shy. Guess I should drink more coffee?


The other thing was I made got my hubs to go to get his physical done. He even got a flu shot!!!
yes I called after he left and told them he had a list of questions for the doc and please give him a flu shot.
Any loving wife would do that right?
I just wanted to make sure he is healthy, and to know about any future check ups he needed.
which by the way guys don’t get routine check ups until they are 50 so not fair
All is well with him he got his shots and I’m a very happy wife. Snicker all you want, but I’m planning on growing old with him. Retire with him travel. I gotta make sure he’s gonna make it to old so we can do those things.
That’s what I done right this week among other things what have you done right?

2 years

Happy Birthday to my lil one. He is two years old today. I can’t believe my boy is two years old. Wow I’m a mother of a two year old. And for once it really feels right. I love the relationship we have. He is attached to me in a good way. He depends on me, yet he can play on his own. He is so smart and funny. He has a great mix of both the hubs and my personality. There is so much I could say about him. I just know that I love him so much and I’m so proud to be his mommy.
This also is a bitter sweet day. It’s the two year anniversary of my ppd. Yes it’s still there and I don’t know when it ever goes away. I think that maybe my doc is right that maybe I’ve always had some kind of depression just the birth of my son brought it out more… I can believe that. The birth of my lil one has changed my body and mind a lot. I’m a lot more “scattered brain” as my hubs says. Mommy brain as I like to call it. There are things that I’m more or less sensitive about feelings wise. So yeah that makes since to me. I still have those days. When I just don’t want to do it anymore, when I’m just numb to it all. I’m learning how to deal better. It’s not easy but hopefully this next year ill be able to say I’m better. We shall see.? Either way HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABY, MY SON, MY LOVE.