Before I start I want to introduce you to Baby Steps newest baby feet.
Born 9/10/17 our newest member came soring in, to complete our family. I am a mommy of 3 beautiful boys. WOW!
His birth story is soon to come.
Tomorrow at 1:40 my husband is getting a vasectomy. I sit here 12 hours before with mixed emotions. It’s officially the end of this era for us. I’m very surprised to be feeling this way to tell you the truth.
You see we had a plan. Married by 25, three kids, three years apart, before I was 35. And we completed all of that. I’m ecstatic that we actually stuck to our plan. No oops, no giving up, just straight with the plan. We both agreed on the plan and while I’m pretty sure I do not want to be pregnant again, or to go through labor again, or postpartum depression again, I’m sad that we are actually done. There will be no more babies for us. No more heart beats, no more feeling the baby kick, no more meeting a baby, daddy cutting the cord, first diapers, sleepless nights and baby coos. And while some of those things made me or is making me misserable. It’s also making me want to run and tell him not to get it done. I change my mind. Because the thought of not having that ever again is pretty terrifying. It’s like something is being taken from me. Even though I’m willingly giving it up.
This probably doesn’t make any since seeing that it’s not even me going through it. Hubs is. The only thing he’s worried about is the 1% chance of something happening and he ends up on the blue pill. Men I tell you.
What is wrong with me? Maybe because I’ve always had something big in life to look forward to. And I guess I don’t know what that next big thing in my life is gonna be is what’s getting me? What comes after having babies? We never made a plan for after 35. I like plans and goals and now without this I’m gonna be flapping in the breeze.
I guess I’ll figure it out. I’m nervous as all get out about it.
At least I’ll always have this. This place helped me through postpartum depression. It was here when I didn’t think I would get through that. So maybe writing today will show me where I’m to go after this? I’ll just follow the words above and take it a baby step at a time. Wish me luck